I met my wife just over 5 years ago. We were both divorcees, with kids.
It doesn’t take a PhD to figure out what goes wrong in relationships.
All you have to do is pay attention, and have perspective.
I know what went wrong in my previous marriage. Previous relationships. All of those needed to fail in order to gain perspective on how things are supposed to work. I will admit. I got comfortable. Like hey things are going great on my end, And never bothered to see if they truly were.
At the time, I figured it’s just how things are supposed to go. You know the “good things fall apart” nonsense.
You see, my wife and I, we do a wellness check on each other. All the time.
Once a week. Randomly. We could be sitting on the couch, or tucking the kids in, or getting ready for bed, or as I’m falling asleep like she did last week. One of us will randomly say
Are you happy.
It’s a loaded question, but invariably, the answer is always yes.
Of course like any couple, we have our days where we aren’t on the same page, but, we don’t go to bed mad. We actually talk about our problems instead of pushing them down.
This is a stark contrast to how my previous marriage went. Days without talking, passing each other without saying a word. Angry texts. Ignored calls.
Here, now, not the same. Not even close.
We got married on July 23,2016. we joke about it a lot, but we said 50 years. Let’s get to 50 years together. I’ll be a young 86, my wife will be 85, and still lovely as she is today.
That will not stop the divorce papers.
This is the joke we say frequently. At our 50th wedding anniversary party, it’s gonna be a divorce party
It’s a joke of course.
It doesn’t change how we work. My overall goal, my focus is to make sure we are all happy. That’s why we check on each other. Because if we don’t, and we let whatever is bothering us keep going, that’s when people start to resent, and become unhappy.
I, have been through that. Do not want to go through it again.
That’s how we work. It works for us. We check on each other. Listen. Talk. I realize that not everyone works like this, but for us, it works.
What works for you?